~=)

hello =) been very long since i wrote. alhamdullillah. i think i jus ended the best semester ive had in my 2.5 yrs in nus. really, i dont care very much abt my results this time round.. its just that how much ive gained this semester from my modules.. ive already won. its already all worth it =) and im lovin' my major!

i made a promise several weeks ago, that i would put up a post during the weekend. hehe.. sorry i didnt follow up on that.. i know some of you were checking. so now i will do that long-overdue post.

according to my post then.. its about something my mother said to me that struck me. apparently it didnt strike me hard enough because right now... i cant really rmbr exactly what.. hahaha! =P but i have a sense that its something about choosing the right person to marry. which coincidentally, was spoken about briefly on my facebook, by haikal and sheikh khalil. actually it wasnt a coincidence.. my mother talks to me abt husband-search almost every single day =S heh. she's jus very worried i end up in a horrible marriage.

"It's inner peace with the right partner,                                                 total hell with the wrong one... ;-)" -sheikh khalil

haha.. he;s cool like tt. heh. however right now, i dont feel like talking about that right now. =P i wanna talk abt smth else.

advice.

i realise that so many of us, including myself, dont really understand what advice is, be it giving the advice or receiving it. and its worse when we cant tell good advice from bad advice. however, sometimes, when u hear or recieve advice, u kinda can feel God's Hand in it. lemme relate an incident that happened some time back, tt i actually wrote down in my lil notebook of stuff jus so i wldnt forget it (hahaha as u can see from the paragraphs above... i tend to forget lots of stuff.)

it was a typical everyday situation: a friend, A, came to me with a problem asking for advice. i listened to her carefully, really taking in all she was telling me. then, what came from my very own lips really surprised me, because i knew in my heart it wasnt something from me. it was sort of, beyond my knowledge.

and all i could think of at that moment was just one thing:

".. And all that is Good is from Allah"

MasyaAllah.. the advice i gave her, i myself have nvr thought of. my hair stood and i think i jus really realised a deeper meaning to the ayat above.

we are all mediums through which Allah guides His servants. Allah guided her through me... and the thing is, He guided me as well, without me even knowing i needed advice at that point. haha i didnt know i was doing smth wrong. those words i spoke, i really (unknowingly) needed to hear. it was such a great lesson.. and i needed so much to hear it. masyaallah...

the advice? "you must always remember, it is not you who guides, its Allah who guides. it is arrogance to think that you change people. it is not you. it is Allah who is The Turner of Hearts. you are not the turner of hearts..."

(hahaha.. yes i know. the irony.)

It so happened at that time, i was in the midst of an sms-argument with another friend B. i was actually trying to get through to B, trying to get her to change. i was really concerned for B, but she was not taking my advice, and was hurling hateful and hurtful words at me instead. it was at this point A spoke to me online abt her problem. and then suddenly the advice came, for me and for her.

such sound advice. one that we tend to forget.

Astaughfirullah. even our Beloved Rasullullah s.a.w. was instructed by Allah s.w.t. not to grieve for his uncle abu talib, whom he loved so dearly but passed away a disbeliever. Imagine the pain Rasullullah s.a.w. must have felt when he had to let go of any hope of his uncle being saved in the hereafter. and here we are, fighting with our loved ones when they dont wanna take our advice. astaughfirullah. astaughfirullah. we must rmbr to just do our best, then leave it up to Allah.

"you are not the turner of hearts. Allah is."

yes, very very true. Allah is.

at that point, B msged. i let it go, and made a silent prayer in my heart for her, that Allah guide her. and that Allah guide me as well.

oooh btw, there's this flock of green parrots that come to my condo compound every evening to feed on de palm trees by de pool. they're so pretty... hehe i nvr noticed them before but de guard said they wld come every day ard 5 pm and leave ard 6. God knows where they come from.

this is what they eat

I came across this pic on the net and i think its the SWEETEST thing so much so that i am SET of having it as the front part of my wedding card!

THE KITTIES ARE IN A HEART SHAPE!!!

im thinking, im gonna have a postcard-wedding card! den behind will have de details and de front part (kitty-heart-shape-pic above) will have my name and my husband's name on the bottom right. CONFIRM!

=D now tt ive found de card, all i gotta do is find de man. and im done!

my mother said something really thought provoking today. and she said it directly to me. so i have been thinking about it the whole day! hahaha.. i wanna write abt my thts, but i have 2 essays that need to be written. so perhaps during the weekend i will write. so look out for it!

smth else also happened today that made me feel like such a sec sch kid man.. hehehe.. k weekend weekend.

back to essays!

focus, ana, focus!!!!

i have been meaning to write about real true friendship.. right now, as Ramadhan draws to a close.. and syawal, the month of strengthening bonds with those around you, is approaching fast.. there is no better time for me to contemplate the great friendships in my life.

whenever i read about the friendships between Rasullullah s.a.w. and the sahabahs.. my hair stands. just go online and read about how abu bakar r.a. treated rasullullah s.a.w.... they are the best of bestfriends ever. if only we cld reach such a level of friendship.. or even come close to that..   

there is a hadith.. i heard from sheikh moore..

Rasullullah s.a.w. once took the hand of Mu'adh and said "Ya Mu'adh, By Allah, indeed, verily, I love you..." then he s.a.w. advised Mu'adh, "oh Allah aid me concerning your remembrance and help me to be grateful and thankful to you and help me to worship You in a goodly and beautiful manner"

MasyaAllah.. Rasullullah s.a.w. didnt just say he loved his friend.. he s.a.w. took the hands of mu'adh, swore by Allah, included so much emphasis before saying he loved him, and then gave the advise.

really powerful.

the title of this post has the word sodiqatil, which is used to mean friend. but this word comes from the root word sidq, which means true. masyaAllah... how beautiful! a friend is by default someone who is true. and someone who is true is a friend.

and the people in my life right now are the truest people i have ever met - the people of APEX. =) everytime i think of apex, i feel such deep gratitude that Allah s.w.t. has led me to be in such an amaxing project, led by people who are so close to Him. honestly, the friendships formed thru apex, i have never experienced before in my entire life. not only are they doing a marvelous job helping the madrasah.. they take the time and effort to care for the people around them. masyaAllah.. i have never worked in such a committee.. where everyone is so selfless and does so much more than what is expected, and then take no credit for it. alhamdullillah..

such friends. they are those whom you want to keep close.. because the friendship is for Allah and only Allah. this is true friendship. to be friends with someone only for the sake of Allah. to love and care for them, more than you do for yourself... for Rasullullah s.a.w. himself said,"None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." and thru them, i have, insyaAllah... learnt so much on being a better person, a better muslimah.

honestly, i agree with ikhsan when he said: 

i am greatly humbled because i am surrounded by humbly great people.   

i truly am.

"Ana Uhibbuki ya Sodiqatil Jannah =) [i love you oh my dear eternal friend]"

my dearest friend sent me this late last night.. masyaAllah.. i felt so deeply happy when she sent me this. such a true friend. i feel so lucky that she's in my life. in the 2 yrs ive known her.. she's helped me grow so much as a muslimah. Ya Allah, may our friendship last till the end of our lives.. and even beyond that.. insyaAllah. amin!

La'al-lallaha yuhibbuki kamaa ahbabtini fiih, ya ukhti.

alhamdullillah. thank you for giving me this friendship, one of the best and truest ive ever had in my life.  

Oh the nights of Ramadhan.

If only people were to be aware of the blessings that fill you.

If only they understood the magnitude of Allah's Mercy that you are immersed in.

MasyaAllah!  MasyaAllah... If only.

http://www.reflectonthis.com/blog/audio_lessons/

“You can do it! You must believe in yourself... you have it in you. You CAN do it!”

How many times have we heard that? Be it from our parents, teachers, coaches, or even friends. Oh, it’s such a cliché. Yes, yes, I knowww I can do it. Yes, it’s so easy. All I have to do is believe in myself.

Yeah, right.

So often, when someone comes along giving you the “You Can Do It” lecture, you give a weak smile saying, “I will try harder the next time” but in your mind, you shrug it off, thinking, what do THEY know? It’s just my nature that I cannot do Math. I just don’t get it. No matter how hard I try, it is just not in me.

It’s just not in me.

Do you really know what is in you? And for that matter, what isn’t?

Personally, I’ve always thought I knew what was in me, what I was capable of, and I certainly always thought I knew what were my limits. But all these firmly established beliefs crumbled on the day I bent a stiff metal tablespoon with my bare hands.

Wait, a METAL table spoon? Did I REALLY bend the spoon? Me? Someone who would often shy away from arm wrestling competitions? Seriously?

MasyaAllah, yes I really did bend the spoon. But how was this possible? It was definitely not within my physical ability to accomplish such a feat. What happened?

Honestly, I am not so sure myself. All I remember was the overwhelming sensation that came over me, that engulfed me, on every level of my being. Never before have I experienced something so incredible.

But the question still remains, how?

It all started on the cold, cold floor of a quiet musollah in a small Madrasah tucked in a cosy corner on Windstedt Road. The Primary 6 cohort, together with their Apex mentors, was around me, all of us with a spoon in hand, and very nice stranger named Ameerah was talking to us. She was guiding us with her voice so soft, yet filled with unmistakable conviction. After explaining to us the purpose of this exercise, she began.

Bismillah, close your eyes. Slowly, let us recite Al-Fatihah. Alhamdullillahi Rabbil ‘Alameen… I began. I tried to focus on my recitation of the opening chapter, but the whisperings in my mind were too distracting. Honestly, I was highly skeptical of the whole idea. I didn’t believe we were going to really bend the spoon ourselves. There must be some trick, some strange illusion… or maybe it wouldn’t be a literal bending of the spoon, but more so a metaphorical one. This is such a waste of time, scoffed my skeptical mind.

Wa la-dhooleen. Amin. Ya Allah, please guide us, I whispered, now my fearful heart over-taking. With that, I allowed myself to be immersed in the darkness of my mind.

“Only if you fully believe you can bend the spoon, that you will bend it”, Ameerah disrupted the lull of my thoughts. What nonsense… whether I believe it or not, the fact of the matter is, I’m holding a thick steel spoon. Does she know what is steel? Does she know its structure? You can’t bend steel, my skeptical mind retorted. But hey, what’s the harm of believing the illogical? I can simply discard it as soon as I get out of here. So let’s just give this a chance. After all, I do enjoy a little fantasy in my life =P.

Alright, I will play along with this.

Oh my skeptical mind, edit your thoughts. From now on, think: I CANNOT BEND THE STEEL SPOON.

Focus, now. What is she saying? Imagine a white line in the 3-D blackness of my mind? Oh yes, there it is. Focus, focus… bring the line closer to you and at the same time condense it till its just a point. Focus the point between your two eyes. Focus, focus, focusss! Ya Allah! What line is this? It is causing my head to throb. My heart is suddenly excited! It vigorously pumps adrenaline to my head, causing my head to throb to its rhythm. What is happening? My mind and my heart are in sync, with every pump the intensity of the little dot on my forehead doubles, then triples! The intensity of this dot is now overwhelming… this is truly exhilarating! Faster and faster my heart and my mind raced. Faster!

Ya Allah protect me, Ya Allah protect me, Ya Allah protect me… my heart suddenly feared. This is so strange; let this not be something that would lead me away from You. Oh Allah protect me.

Open your eyes, Ameerah brought me back to the musollah. I looked around me, everything seemed normal. Everyone seemed as they were just ten minutes ago. But my head was buzzing. What really happened? I couldn’t comprehend it though it all happened within me. What happened?

No time to think. Ameerah says close your eyes once more. Now you see colours. Swirling, majestic colours. All signifying the energy in the room. Oh let the energy swirl around you. Let it engulf you. Just focus yourself in the room of colours, in the room of energy. Embrace the moment. And let the moment embrace you.

Listen to Ameerah. You must remember that the spoon bends because of Allah. The energy to make the spoon bend, all comes from Allah. We come from Allah. My hands are from Allah. The spoon is from Allah. It is Allah who will bend the spoon for you. It is Allah who has given you all that you have. Allah is everything, you are nothing.

The swirling colours of energy are now so concentrated around me. Direct them up and into your head. Let all of if flow into your head, until no colour is left in the room.

Then just as suddenly as before, my mind and my heart united, throbbing in rhythm at an unfathomable rate. I feel it again! The mysterious, yet harmonious, partnership between these two components of my being. I don’t understand it! Yet strangely, the familiarity of it happening for the second time has caused a deep sense of delight within myself. I found myself feeling terribly excited!

Now the energy was so intense in my head, I felt it was literally going to burst. It had to be directed somewhere… Ameerah said the shoulders. You’re supposed to bend the spoon, remember? So slowly, direct the energy into your shoulders. Do you feel it all concentrated in your shoulders? Then slowly, from the shoulders to the arms, then down to the hands. Focus it all on your palms. Now with all you’ve got, push the energy into the spoon. Yes, that’s it, let it flow into the spoon. Let it flow. Feel it, feel the energy from every level of your being flowing into the spoon. Everything. Do not fear, just let the energy flow. Focus, focus…

My mind has stopped throbbing. Now my hands were beginning develop a prickly hot feeling, the blood buzzing and filling up every corner of my palms clasped around the spoon. I was focused, I was pushing the energy into the spoon. I was fully wrapped in this belief. I truly believe that I can bend this piece of steel. With Allah’s help, I can definitely do this. I have no doubt.

Suddenly it came – Bend! Bend! Bend! Bend! Bend! The gentle tone of Ameerah’s voice broke into a hasty and forceful command: BEND!

The sudden change in pace disabled any form of rational thinking and my hands obeyed the one command that was filling the room – BEND! It pushed, and the spoon followed! All too easily! Suddenly reality dawned upon me and I couldn’t believe what just happened. In shock, I dropped the spoon and opened my eyes.

Ya Allah! It bent! It really did bend. MasyaAllah! My heart was still racing, my mind was so confused, my hands were unable to move. It bent!

It took me a few seconds before I picked up the spoon to inspect it. MasyaAllah, masyaAllah, masyaAllah. Look at the spoon. I felt truly humbled.

Oh my believing mind, embed that thought I BENT THE SPOON.

Oh my believing heart, cleanse yourself ALLAH BENT THE SPOON.

The spoon in hand is bent. My heart beats, La illaha illaAllah! Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar!

MasyaAllah, it all started with Bismillah.

BismillahiRahmaniRahim. Don’t you understand? With Allah’s name, anything is possible. With His power, with trust in Him, with a heart devoted to Him only. Anything is possible. Because everything is from Him. You have to believe that first; you have to truly believe in Him first, before you can ever believe in yourself.

Yes! You can do it… it IS in you. Because Allah is with you.

InsyaAllah.

Verily Allah has Power over All things

Thoughts

Alhamdullillah, I have finally reached the final post about my haj experience. I remember, the day i came back from hajj, i was so afraid. afraid i might soon forget and loose everything Allah has so graciously bestowed on me, everything He has so generously taught me... about the beautiful religion of islam.. about myself as His servant, thus the servant of all humanity and all His creatures.. about this diseased heart.. and about His Mercy.. and the mercy He sent down to all the worlds in the form of a blessed human being, our leader and love, Rasullullah s.a.w.

i was so afraid i might loose all this and slip back into my condition of darkness and wretchedness. i was so afraid that because of my persistent sinning, all these blessings that God has given me.. all that i do not deserve, would be snatched away from me.. and i was made blind to even realise it. i was afraid that shaitaan would come and make me forget, and then lead me to destruction. na'uxubillah! ya Allah, protect me.. just as You have always done. forgive my ingratitude, forgive my careless mind, forgive my sinful heart. ya Allah.

all this fear is the reason i decided to write about my experience. for me to read and remind my heart of its weakness.. and insyaallah, it may also serve as advice to those i love who read this. insyaAllah. as sheikh moore says, lets save 2 birds' life with one stone =) (imagine a stone used to deflect the stone tt wld kill 2 birds)

initially i planned to finish the whole hajj thing within the first week after coming back from the blessed lands. obviously, that did not happen.

so i set another deadline. finish it before school starts. failed.

so lets push it further.. finish it before the start of the new islamic year. God forgive my negligence. i did not achieve that.

then shaitaan (or it may be my lazy nafs) whispered.. forget abt it.. ur too busy.

BUT BUSY MEANS ITS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO YOU. and God knows how important it is.

so, new formed deadline. and insyaallah, i shall keep to it (bc actually i only have one more post heh.). i will do it before my 21st birthday, so that on that day, i can feel secure that all ive gained during hajj is written out clear, both in this blog, and insyaallah, in my heart. and with that, i can start my adulthood building on what Allah has given me, and insyaAllah, get closer to Him.

so on the eve of my 21st bday, i pray, ya Allah continue to help me, bestow Your mercy on me and cleanse this diseased heart and fill it with Love and Devotion and Closeness to You. Praises to You... You are Everything, and we are nothing without You.

Madinah, the city where our Beloved Prophet s.a.w rests. 

Alhamdullilah, we had finished our hajj. Insyaallah, Allah accepts it. now, we only had 4 more days before we had to return to singapore, so we immediately set off for madinah.

going to madinah is not part of the rites of hajj. but people are drawn towards it, because they are drawn towards Rasullullah and all that he loves. as he s.a.w. prayed, "Allah! Bestow on Madinah twice the blessings You bestowed on Makkah.‏" (Al-Bukhari).

truly, Mekkah is a need. but Madinah, is a desire.

and no wonder! the city of madinah is the most beautiful city i have ever been to. MAsyaAllah! The people, the almosphere, the creatures.. everything in this blessed and elevated city perfectly reflects the teachings, character and beauty of our beloved leader, ya Rasullullah s.a.w. The people have the most beautiful akhlaq.. their smiles are radiant, full of faith and love.. their eyes soft, full of kindness to the tired pilgrims. masyaallah... i am in love with this place!

we were fortunate enough to get a hotel room right in front of masjidil nabawi, and from our room we could see the splendor of that mosque. we had only 3 days in madinah, ya Allah, i prayed once again, do not deprive me of praying in this mosque, as how i was the first time i came here. (flashback: i went for umrah in march 2004. the day i left singapore, i got my menses. because of that, we went to madinah first, so as to wait out till i became clean so tt i cld perform umrah later on. and i rmbr.. the 5 days in madinah.. i was left alone in the hotel room while my family went to the mosque.. and i cld see the mosque from my room. and i weeped, longing to be in that place. and by the grace of Allah, He heard the silent prayer of my pained heart, and on the morning of the last day we were to be in madinah, i suddenly became clean long enough to offer 2 rakaahs of prayer in the raudah. and the moment i left the mosque, i became unclean again, for 2 more days in mekkah and cld only do my umrah after that. but masyaAllah... it was a miracle how i suddenly became clean. alhamdullillah, it was enough to lift the grief in my heart)  and right now, my period was already 6 days late.. and its never late. so i was seriously expecting it any time soon.. but every single day, from the moment i stepped into mekkah... actually since ramadhan... i prayed to Allah to keep me clean till i left madinah. alhamdullillah, by His grace, my prayer was answered, and i only became unclean at the airport from madinah to jeddah. talk about timing! alhamdullillah!

right now, i close my eyes, and i can still rmbr that first morning in madinah after hajj. i was making my way to the mosque for subuh.. it was winter and the breeze in madinah was cool. the sky was of an amazing shade of blue i have never seen the sky to possess. the whole feeling of everything around me penetrated into my heart. there was peace all around. peace so intense, it enveloped my disturbed diseased heart and soothed it till it sang,

Assalamualaika Ya Rasullullah! s.a.w.

ya Allah, what a place to retreat! what a place for my heart to regain its consciousness. the past 2 weeks have been heavy on my hardened heart. imagine someone with a massive tumour. she does not realise its there.. till one day, someone informed her of it. immediately, she undergoes a major operation to remove this burden on her heart. after the operation, she is exhausted, drained of life.. but entirely grateful. her heart, though now clean, is terribly weakened.. and she needs to go somewhere for it to regain its strength.

madinah, is the most perfect place for that. my heart has been sick for so long.. diseased and i did not even know it. astaughfirullah astaughfirullah. alhamdullillah, Allah has made me aware of its condition and helped me clean it. and now, The All-Knowing, The Most Wise, has brought me to madinah, to rebuild my heart and ready myself to face the sinful life i had felt behind in singapore.. to be able to have the strength to change it, and change my ways. 6 months have passed.. ya Allah... i am still struggling, and i am still trying. forgive me for my weakness.

for hajj season, access to the raudah is restricted. i rmbr a few yrs back, they merely partitioned a small part for women, and u cld enter the raudhah any time the mosque was open. however, this time round, there was specific timings during which women were allowed to enter.. and u were only allowed to offer 2 rakkahs then they chased you away. but alhamdullillah for the 2 rakaahs.

on the 2nd day, we went to visit places around madinah.. like badr, uhud, the mosques with 2 kiblahs, and other important mosques. it was a very interesting experience.. i kept imagining how it was during the Prophet's time.. oh how i wish i was one of the people in madinah who welcomed him s.a.w. when he first arrived in madinah. 

as compared to the people of mekkah, the people of madinah are totally different. masyaallah, i cld really see the people living up to rasullullah's sunnah. in the mosque, people would be sharing and distributing food to anyone and everyone. outside of the mosque, they wld give salaams as you walked past and their ways were gentle.. i hardly heard anyone raise thier voice.. noone scolded another muslim. noone blared their car horns at pedestrians.. and noone littered! the city was so clean, as much unlike mekkah. masyaallah! people did not push or shove to get into the toilets. they are courteous and polite and generous and gracious. truly, this IS the city of the prophet. it lives up to its name.

and in the famous date market... generosity took on a higher level. the shop keepers would place handful of dates and chocolates in your hands as you walk past their stalls, saying "halal! halal!". and they didnt expect you to buy any of their dates. they let you try as many as you wanted and then walk off, and they wld give u salams. subhanallah! and when u weighed 100g of dates or chocolates to buy, they wld grab another few handfuls and place it in the bag till it became 120g. and only accepted that u paid for 100g. how many shop keepers in this day and age wld do that? imagine buying sweets at 7-11. they are kinda strict u ONLY have the amount u are paying for.

sigh. the people of madinah. may Allah bless them.

that evening, i looked at the sky again. the full moon was brilliant, and seemed so much closer and bigger than ive ever seen it. masyaAllah, it was huge.. as if it came nearer to madinah, drawn to it as how we muslims are drawn to it. as how we the ummah, are drawn towards our leader s.a.w.

all too soon, it was time to leave. we visited the green dome one more time and gave salam to the prophet and bade farewell. ya Allah.. how i miss that place!.

there's a saying. "Before you go to Mekkah and Madinah, they beckon you, but when you leave, they call out to you for the rest of ur life."

Ya Allah, invite me once again to Your house, and the land Your Beloved Prophet rests. Amin.

masyaAllah. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah. alhamdullillah.

ive been sitting here for some time, trying to gather my thoughts. i had an unexpectedly long journey home tonight from madrasah aljuneid, where, by the immense grace of Allah, i was privileged enough to be able to attend a workshop Sheikh Khalil Moore was conducting. my journey was long because i did something that the sheikh warned us against.

"you are not doing what you know"

of course, in this case, its a minor mistake. i took the wrong bus. but when it comes to the matters of my life, and my heart... it wld be truly detrimental to my spiritual self if i keep not doing what i know.

astaughfirullah. i know so much. yet im worse than a person who doesnt know. bc Allah has blessed me with so much knowledge abt Him, and His prophet, and his beautiful way of life He has taught man... and i fail in applying all i know. i fail miserably. astaughfirullah... i kept muttering it throughout the workshop.. and in between, my heart wld whisper alhamdullillah, for Allah has brought me here to give me this slap. alhamdullillah.

and suddenly, i recall smth i said to a friend a few months back "kau tau... tapi kau tak sedar". astaughfirullah... oh God forgive me for saying such a hypocritical thing.  

ya Allah! cure the disease in my heart. cleanse me of all forms of hypocrisy, denial, lies. You have been so merciful to remove so much of the blackness in my heart during hajj.. and here i am... i have developed it all over again in the past 6 months. astaughfirullah. astaughfirullah.

he spoke about people of knowledge. ah, the humble scholar in islam has a much higher station in the eyes of Allah than the ignorant worshipper. in the quran, nothing is stressed more on mankind than the pursuit of knowledge. masyaallah.. whosoever threads a path seeking therein knowledge, Allah will make a path easy for them to paradise.

the sheikh really has a way with words. he speaks with so much passion, and sincerity, it pierces my heart. and a few times during his workshop, i struggled to hold back my tears.

but when he asked the qn "how many of you are here because of an urge in ur heart?" my eyes welled. i felt the urge, i knew i needed to come. i tried my hardest to push back the tears.

then what he said next was too much for me to fight off.. "oh how noble and how precious the urge is! Thank Allah for placing it in your heart! Thank Allah for guiding you. of all people He could have chosen, He chose you. hold on to this urge, this yearning... because Allah can take it from you at any time. hold on to it, and be grateful"

my hair stood, my tears flowed. alhamdullillah!! alhamdullillah!! i'lll say it a billlion times and it still wont be enough to express my thanks to Allah for giving me this. for guiding me.

then he said, now you have the urge, you need to do 3 things with it.

1. strengthen it. this is done by constantly remembering the One who gave you this feeling. constant gratification and glorification of Allah. and always have La illaha illAllah on ur lips. and in your heart. deep within your heart. feel it on every level of your being. make it all your existence is about. also,we must constantly reflect on all we have, all from Allah. everything. and lastly, we must keep in the company of people who are more blessed, the learned people, the scholars of islam. the best of Allah's servants.

2. protect it. for this, we need to keep away from bad company. people who have no realisation whatsoever of Allah, and couldnt care less. and we need to constantly fight off the whisperings of the shayateen.

3. respond to it. 2 words: DONT DELAY! what you know now, DO it. live the knowledge that Allah has so graciously bestowed on you. dont be a hypocrite. dont be lazy, dont procrastinate. you want to give sedekah, give it now! you want to hafal that quran, do it! you want to stop wearing those kind of clothes. stop doing that! and stop giving excuses. stop saying you are not ready. stop saying you dont have the time. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE TIME FOR SOMETHING THAT IS IMPORTANT TO You. if you say you dun have the time, then its not all that impt to you. astaughfirullah! give me the strength to do this.

ya Allah. ya Allah. i am forever grateful to You.

Where are you going? Towards Allah.

What are you doing? Remembering Him.

So stop waiting and do what you know.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  syukrillah